A Butterfly Emerges: My Journey of Transformation, Self-Advocacy, and Resilience
In the tapestry of life, some threads weave patterns we never expected. Over the past six months, my story has been one of unexpected challenges, difficult decisions, profound discoveries, and, ultimately, a beautiful transformation. Today, I want to share this journey with you – a journey that has reshaped my understanding of myself, my health, and the world around me.
The Catalyst: A Health Crisis and a Crossroads
My journey began in March, not with a gentle nudge, but with a painful jolt. I found myself grappling with severe pelvic floor dysfunction associated with endometriosis. The pain was far-reaching and debilitating, manifesting not just in my pelvic floor, but also in my hips, lower back, and as excruciating sciatic pain down both legs. This complex web of discomfort forced me to step back from Sole Journey Wellness and my teaching and coaching roles.
When I sought medical advice, I was faced with a daunting choice: take hormonal birth control (which had previously caused severe side effects) or undergo a hysterectomy. Despite the weight of these decisions, I found empowerment in making choices that aligned with my values and health. As someone who is childfree by choice, my reproductive future wasn't at stake. In fact, to ensure that a pregnancy would never jeopardize my life, my husband had undergone a vasectomy in April. However, the suggested solutions felt like non-choices to me. One risked my mental health; the other seemed unnecessarily invasive.
It was a stark reminder of how often women's health concerns are addressed with blanket solutions that don't consider the whole person or respect their life choices
Creating My Own Path: Self-Advocacy in Healthcare
Faced with these limited options, I realized the power of self-advocacy in healthcare. I created a third path for myself, one that was not presented to me by medical professionals. I committed to an elimination diet to help remove possible food triggers and dedicated myself to pelvic floor physical therapy. This decision was born out of necessity, but it became a powerful act of self-advocacy, a reminder that we have the power to shape our own healthcare journeys.
The journey wasn't easy, but it was empowering. Within two months, I felt immense improvement as I took control of my health. This experience fortified the importance of listening to our bodies and being proactive in our healthcare decisions.
A Moment of Joy and Heartbreak
As I began to see improvements, my husband and I embarked on a long-awaited camping trip to the North Cascades in the last week of June. After years of cancellations due to wildfire smoke, we finally explored snow-covered mountains and camped along the flowing Skykomish River, reveling in the healing beauty of nature.
But life has a way of balancing joy with sorrow. During this trip, I received heartbreaking news: my best friend's husband had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. This moment marked the beginning of a series of challenges that would test my resilience and ultimately lead to profound self-discovery. It was a reminder that even in the face of adversity, we can find strength and resilience within ourselves.
In the following weeks, I did everything I could to support my friend from a distance. I sent care packages and messages, all in an attempt to ensure she knew she was loved and not alone during what was undoubtedly the worst time of her life. It was a delicate balance, offering support while respecting the immense gravity of her situation.
The Unexpected Visitor: COVID and Its Aftermath
A week after our return, COVID found us for the first time in 4.5 years. The initial infection hit hard, leaving me extremely sick and grappling with intense fibromyalgia pain. As someone at high risk, the emotional toll was as heavy as the physical one. My husband and I have been so careful for years, taking every precaution, only to fall ill due to someone else's carelessness. The frustration and fear were palpable.
But the journey wasn't over. As I tested negative just in time for an anniversary trip with my husband, hope flickered. However, a rebound infection struck during our celebration. This rebound infection, coupled with lingering COVID symptoms after testing negative for the second time, would end up extending my battle with the virus to almost two months. This experience taught me the true meaning of patience and the importance of being gentle with oneself during recovery.
In a moment of vulnerability, I reached out to my mother for help. We agreed on an approach to keep us safe during her potential visit, including her wearing a mask for the two weeks leading up to it. However, just days before her planned departure, she unilaterally decided our safety agreement was meaningless. When confronted with her actions, she became combative and attempted to gaslight me, denying she had ever agreed to wear a mask for the two weeks leading up to the trip.
I had to make the painful decision to tell my mother she was no longer welcome. This experience was a harsh reminder that sometimes, even those closest to us may not be the support system we need. It was excruciating to realize that I couldn't depend on my own mother during this challenging time. We haven't spoken since, and while she has reached out as if nothing happened, there has been no acknowledgment of her behavior or apology for her actions.
This situation, coupled with my ongoing health issues and the grief of supporting my friend through her loss, created a perfect storm of emotional and physical challenges.
The Silver Lining: Discoveries in Healing
Through this challenging period, I leaned into my personal practices. My life was forever changed when I discovered the transformative power of Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy. For six weeks, I had the privilege of working with a therapist in person, followed by months of on going virtual sessions. This experience was eye-opening, revealing how much pelvic floor PT is rooted in yoga, mindfulness, and Pilates – practices I've long embraced and advocated for. These practices have not only helped me heal physically but also provided me with the mental strength to navigate the emotional challenges I faced.
But the most profound discovery was yet to come.
A Life-Changing Realization: Understanding Autism
Just as my CPTSD diagnosis had once dumbfounded me because I thought only combat soldiers or victims of violent crime had PTSD, learning that I have high-functioning autism felt like I was being blindsided. This revelation has dramatically shifted my entire perspective and helped to expand my understanding of Autism Spectrum Disorder.
This discovery illuminated so much about my life experiences. It explained why I have always felt like an outsider, it helped me view my mental health challenges more compassionately, and it helped me truly appreciate my ability to think outside the box, a skill that has made me effective in teaching yoga and helping people navigate their careers. As I further understand my neurodiversity, I have deepened my appreciation for the unique ways we all experience the world.
Emerging Stronger: A New Approach to Teaching and Coaching
As I emerge from this cocoon of self-discovery and health challenges, I feel different. Stronger. More aligned with my true self. I'm excited to bring this newfound self-awareness into my yoga teaching and career coaching practices. I envision evolving to an even deeper level of meeting my clients and students where they are, helping them realize the importance of doing the same for themselves.
Lessons Learned: The Art of Letting Go and Self-Advocacy
Throughout these six months, I've learned crucial lessons:
Nothing is permanent. Everything we feel physically, mentally, or emotionally is transient. Remember, when you feel stuck or experience a setback, it will pass like the seasons.Â
Healing isn't linear. It's a journey with ups and downs, twists and turns. Accepting this non-linear path is crucial in maintaining hope and perseverance.
Self-advocacy is crucial. Sometimes, we must create our own options when the presented ones don't serve us.
Listening to our bodies is vital. Our bodies often know what we need before our minds do.
These months have been an opportunity for me to BE instead of DO. I'm still working on deprogramming myself from productivity-based worth and learning to prioritize self-care as the foundation for reaching my full potential.
An Invitation to Transform Together
As we all transition into a new season, I invite you to join me in embracing the art of letting go. I'm hosting a special Yoga Nidra session: A Yoga Nidra Journey of Letting Go.
This session honors the fall equinox – nature's ultimate act of release and renewal. Through deep relaxation and conscious release, we'll explore:
- Stress release through parasympathetic nervous system activation
- Emotional processing and tension release
- Enhanced self-awareness and acceptance
- Techniques for improved sleep and mental clarity
Click the button above to learn more and secure your spot.
Final Remarks
I hope my story can be a reminder to you that we are all butterflies in the making. Transformation isn't always easy, and it may not look like how you envisioned, but it's always worth it. I'm excited to continue this journey with you all, embracing our authentic selves and the beautiful transformations that await us.
Let's step into this new season together, lighter and ready for renewal, armed with the power of self-advocacy and the courage to create our own paths when necessary.
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